Tails of Traveling

I'd like to share with you some tails of my travels through the Chicago Midway airport on the way home from Nationals.  Yes. I meant tails, not tales.  Behold these majestic man-tails that I so cleverly captured all within one hour of each other in the windy city:

This is the man-tail is free and loose.  Only restrained at one point to keep this man from looking completely like a woman.  Although with hair groomed as well as this a mistake could still be made from afar.

No, this man is not actually wearing an animal with a long bushy tail on his head.  He is sporting the incredibly rare man-dread-tail.  Notice how he not only achieves great length through the dread process, but also impressive girth and weight.  This tail could probably be used as a weapon to fight off chupacabras and/or terrorists if need be.

This fellow might be new to the ponytail game.  He isn't really sure if he is ready to rock the man-tail, yet somehow he ended up with long hair that was getting in the way.  Rather than let it be free and loose like in the first example he opts for a simple braid.  This keeps his locks in check, yet might also make us question his gender.  This man should make a decision about his mane ASAP.

I've got one question about these men though...  Is it necessary to accompany your man-tail with some sort of strange hat?  I'm not sure if there is any significance here.  But I've got one more tail to share, also from Chicago.  Behold:

 I'll just let you judge this one for yourself.  But imagine following him onto an airplane and watching him tuck his tail in from the aisle when he reaches his seat.  I settled on humming this tune.